Forgiveness
"To err is human, to forgive divine" – Alexander Pope (1711).
I was going to start with two stories we can all relate to. On second thought, I decided to use a different approach to highlight our unique experiences, stories, and perspectives. We hurt people, and we get hurt by others. We seek forgiveness, and we require forgiveness. With forgiveness, one size does not fit all. What offends one may not hurt another because it's about perspective and interpretation.
It's amusing how the people who hurt us move on so casually without realizing or remembering what they did. Yet, we carry on a one-sided grudge, a resentment that we hold on to that affects our health, progress, and growth. We must remember that we rarely have control over what people say or do. As long as we interact with people daily, either at the workplace or in our personal space, and as long as we have relationships or exist within a network, we will have experiences that require forgiveness. How ready are you to forgive?
The most popular view on forgiveness is that we forgive those who hurt us, but how about forgiving ourselves? After some deep reflection and introspection, I came to a profound realization: forgiveness starts with self. It's about forgiving YOU.
Forgive yourself for messing up, for not meeting up, for not speaking up, for not standing up, for allowing a situation, for not handling a situation well, for what you did to others, and most importantly, for what others did to you. Remember, you're only human, and self-forgiveness is a crucial part of your journey towards healing and growth.
Forgiveness is not just a process; it's a journey of personal growth and healing. It's a release, it's empowering, and it's an act of self-love. It is more for you than the offender, as it sets you free from resentment and allows you to move forward with your life. Forgiveness is therapeutic, and it empowers you to take control of your emotions.
What about forgetting? It is generally believed that one should forgive but not forget. Does 'not forgetting' really help the aggrieved? Maybe, maybe not. The answer depends on the reason for 'not forgetting.' If 'not forgetting' helps us learn valuable lessons on how not to treat others and on self-protection, then it's good to forgive but not forget the lessons. However, if we choose not to forget the offense, we set ourselves up for bitterness and resentment. Every time we remember the offense, we get upset all over again – it's a vicious cycle. The question is, can we truly forgive if we do not forget?
So, I conclude with my spin on Alexander Pope's (1711) famous saying on forgiveness - To hold a grudge is poison, and to forgive is to heal (Tolu A. Rogers, 2024).
How have you dealt with forgiveness? Your experience and insights are valuable, and I would love to hear them. Feel free to share in the comments section, as your voice is an important part of this discussion.